You Fat Ba**ard

I recently had the occasion to stand on the scales. This led to two rather unpleasant revelations:

1) I’m a fat bastard


2) I need to start doing something about it *right now*.

Seeing the scales *nearly* touch 80Kg wasn’t nice. Especially as your humble correspondent is only 5′ 8″ when he stands up straight, the round-shouldered slob. Gentlemen should not have boobs, either.

So, with only the faintest air of desperation, I bought an exercise bike.

Today it arrived. (Thank you Amazon).

– it was assembled with meticulous care according to the instructions. (Except the bit that was wrong)

– it was stood up and sat on to adjust the saddle height

– it was used. Only –slightly– painfully. Here she is in all her glory:

Exercise Bike

The thing that'll make me sweat and wheeze

Doesn’t my mother’s garden look nice?

So back to the point.

This post will be the first in a (hopefully not too-frequent) series journaling my rise from pathetic wimp to velodrome demi-god. Or something like that anyway.

In reality I’ll settle for:

– the loss of (most of) the fat gut

– the ability to see my feet while standing up (nearly) straight

– the ability to walk up hills without collapsing into a undignified wheezing heap (At least not before I get to the top, anyway)

So, today’s little session was recorded as such:

5 mins at setting 1 (A baby could peddle it)

15 mins at setting 5 (You’re *still* pathetic)

Speed (approx) 23 Kph

Distance covered: 7.4Km

Calories burned (Yeah, right!): 112

Pulse (This is probably wildly inaccurate): 125-ish

[I did try setting 8 (Cycling uphill through tar with the wind in your face), but needless to say thought better of it almost straight away!]

So in conclusion, not only am I a fat bastard, I’m a grossly unfit one, too.

This is not going to attract the ladies. Not that I’m going to anyway, but at least I can try. Badly, as usual. Ho Hum. Progress will be recorded and used in evidence.

You’re not going to get photos of the gut, though. That’s just TOO gross.

One Response to You Fat Ba**ard

  1. This post made me smile (more like laugh my head off) Steve! Is this a review of your new excercise machine?

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